RedGiant: be the bed

You are, briefly, the smart-crap devices that make up the bed. A stray gust of ventilation grazes the pillow, and activates an esoteric sleep cycle analytics algorithm that has not been maintained since a frontier startup failed five years ago, trying to activate wakeup voice lines on the voice-activated assistant.

None of the three components can synchronize with each other.

🔊: Hi hello ! Wake up !
🔊: Today is another Brand New Day Twenty Four Hours Premium Experience ! Good morning brought to you by .
🔊: Please get out of your Company Frontier XL Prefab Refurbished Cot Featuring Sleep Schedule Optimizer (Free Shipping) .
🔊: You have failed the chosen sleep schedule (REMmaxxing) . You will not have a productive day . Please subscribe to one free week of REMmaxxing Plus !
🔊: Give me your credit card number !

RedGiant: be awakened by a robot plant pot tantruming for water.